I used to have this feeling that I was missing something.
Not just information. Something deeper. Like there was an inside joke I wasn’t in on. A key perspective everyone else had that I somehow didn’t.
In group chats, I’d watch others jump in with comments, building on each other’s points. I’d stay quiet. Not because I had nothing to say, but because I was scared my response would be incomplete.
I don’t know why, but I assumed everyone else had a complete view of everything. And I didn’t. So I kept quiet until I could figure out what I was missing.
Here’s what took me years to realize: No one has a complete view.
Everyone’s perspective is partial. The confident people in those group chats weren’t seeing more than me. They were just willing to express what they saw.
That shift changed everything.
Once I stopped waiting to have the “right” perspective and started trusting my own partial view, I could finally participate. I could ask questions without fear of looking dumb. I could share my point of view without needing it to be complete. I could be curious about others’ perspectives instead of intimidated by them.
This completely changed my business. I went from trying to sound smart and make people think I didn’t have any gaps, to owning the gaps, hiring coaches to accelerate my learning, and speaking from a more authentic place. We’ve grown 56% in the past 12 months and have a positioning that is resonating with buyers.
This is what I now teach. Not because I read it in a book, but because I lived it.
Seek. Sense. Share.
Three words that capture the skills nobody teaches you. The skills that separate ICs who get stuck from ICs who drive impact.
This is the playbook I wish someone had handed me fifteen years ago.
The Three Skills Nobody Teaches
Here’s what I’ve learned working with ICs at companies like Faire, Otsuka, and IMG Academy:
When ICs struggle to “take ownership” and “drive impact,” it’s not because they lack ambition. It’s because they’re missing three specific capabilities:
- They don’t uncover what stakeholders actually care about. They guess. They assume. They walk into conversations with a solution before they understand the problem.
- They can’t develop or articulate a clear point of view. They have data. They have observations. But they can’t synthesize it into something worth saying.
- They can’t frame ideas in ways that matter to the audience. They communicate for themselves, not for the person across the table. The message doesn’t land.
These aren’t personality traits. They’re learnable skills.
Let me show you how.
Seek: Stop Guessing What People Want
The first skill is deceptively simple: ask questions before offering answers.
Most ICs do the opposite. They walk into conversations with a solution ready to pitch. They present before they understand. And then they wonder why they can’t get buy-in.
The problem is what psychologists call selective attention. We only see partial reality. Our brains filter information based on our expectations, assumptions, and goals. What seems obvious to you may not even register for someone else.
The mindset shift: Before acting, understand. Before solving, diagnose. Before speaking, listen.
The tool that makes this practical is something I call Narrative Dialogue. It’s built on two components:
First: Replace “why” with “how” and “what.”
“Why” questions trigger defensiveness. They feel like an interrogation. “Why did you do it that way?” makes people justify themselves.
“How” and “what” questions create discovery. “How did this situation come about?” “What does success look like for you?” These invite stories instead of justifications.
Second: Use loops of understanding.
After someone shares, paraphrase what you heard and ask if you got it right. “So what I’m hearing is… Is that accurate?”
They’ll either confirm, correct, or elaborate. All three give you more information. And the next question becomes clearer.
When we ran this with an enablement team at Weave, one participant said: “I have switched every question to a how/what format.”
At Faire, another described it as: “The how/what questions was an unlock of how I could better connect with folks in my day-to-day work.”
The irony: you get to the “why” faster by not asking “why.”
Sense: Develop a Point of View Worth Sharing
Information without interpretation is noise.
The second skill is sense-making: taking what you’ve gathered and turning it into something meaningful.
Most ICs skip this step. They present data without interpretation. They describe what they found without saying what it means. They leave the hard work of synthesis to someone else.
The mindset shift: Don’t just report. Recommend. Don’t just analyze. Conclude.
The formula is simple:
Observation + Interpretation + Implication = Insight
Not just “what,” but “so what” and “now what.”
Two tools make this practical:
MECE (Mutually Exclusive, Collectively Exhaustive) is a consulting framework for organizing information. Your categories shouldn’t overlap, and they should cover everything. It prevents gaps and overlaps in your thinking. It creates structure from chaos.
The Problem Pyramid (from Barbara Minto) flips how most people structure communication. Instead of building up from data to conclusion, you start with your recommendation at the top, support it with 2-4 key arguments, and back each argument with evidence.
At Weave, one participant had an aha moment: “The fact that there is even a way to approach ‘complex messes’ was eye-opening for me.”
At Faire, another said: “MECE + problem pyramid gives me a framework to gather all the information, narrow in on a recommendation, and communicate that in a clear, punchy way.”
That’s the thing about sense-making. You’re probably already doing it sometimes. The skill is doing it consistently, under pressure, when the stakes are high.
Share: Make It Land, Not Just Land in Their Inbox
The best thinking fails if it can’t be communicated.
The third skill is sharing: communicating your point of view in a way that resonates with your specific audience.
Most ICs communicate for themselves. They present information in the order they discovered it. They emphasize what matters to them. They assume that if they’re clear, the other person will understand.
The mindset shift: It’s not what you think. It’s what they hear.
The tool that makes this practical is the Whole Brain Thinking Model. It recognizes that people have different thinking preferences:
- Analytical (Blue): Facts, data, logic. “What are the numbers?”
- Practical (Green): Process, timelines, how. “What are the steps?”
- Relational (Red): People, feelings, who. “Who is affected?”
- Experimental (Yellow): Big picture, vision, why. “What’s the possibility?”
Everyone has a default quadrant. The mistake is leading with yours instead of theirs.
At Faire, one participant said: “I realized I have a tendency to communicate really well, but only in my own thinking model. This has made me think carefully about my audience.”
At Weave, another put it simply: “I need to present for how the specific person wants to receive information, not for myself.”
That’s the whole game. Know your default. Learn to speak to theirs.
Putting It Together
These three skills form a sequence that works everywhere.
Coaching conversation? Seek first (go for the deeper why), then Sense (use the GROW model to structure your approach), then Share (personalize your approach for the person you’re coaching).
Giving feedback? Same sequence but try the SBI model instead of GROW for sense-making.
Presenting to leadership? Same sequence, but use Minto’s Pyramid.
Cross-functional influence? Same sequence.
One pattern replaces a dozen frameworks you can’t remember in the moment.
At Faire, we ran five cohorts of ICs through this approach. The SENSE module alone hit 97% NPS. More importantly, when we asked participants what skill they’d improved most, the top answer was “influencing without authority.”
That’s not a coincidence. That’s what the program was designed to build.
One Faire leader who’d been through similar development shared what finally clicked for her: “Once I could execute strong work AND explain its value, doors opened.”
Another described the mindset shift that changed everything: “It’s not my job to be right. It’s my job to get us to the right answer.”
That’s what ownership actually looks like. Not knowing everything. Not being the expert in every room. But knowing how to seek the right information, make sense of what you find, and share it in a way that moves people.
What to Do Monday
You don’t need a program to start building these skills. Here’s what you can do this week:
Seek: In your next 1:1 or stakeholder conversation, ban “why” questions. Use only “how” and “what.” Notice what happens.
Use AI to help you prepare. Try this prompt:
“I have a meeting with [name/role] about [topic]. Act as a seasoned executive coach who has worked with hundreds of [their role type]. Give me 5 how/what questions that will surface what they actually care about, not what they say they care about. For each question, tell me: what I should listen for in their answer, and what follow-up question unlocks the next layer.”
Sense: Take a messy situation you’re currently facing. Write down: What do I observe? What does it mean? What should we do about it? Force yourself to have a point of view.
Use AI as a thought partner. Try this prompt:
“Here’s a situation I’m navigating: [describe it]. First, argue against whatever position you think I’m leaning toward. Be a ruthless devil’s advocate. Then, help me develop a point of view that survives that critique. Give me: (1) The position in 2-3 sentences, (2) The strongest objection someone could raise, (3) My response to that objection.”
Share: Before your next presentation or important message, ask: Who is my audience? What quadrant do they lead with? Am I presenting for them, or for me?
Use AI to adapt your message. Try this prompt:
“I need to communicate [this message] to [this person/role]. Here’s what I know about how they think: [share context]. Rewrite my message three ways: (1) Leading with data and logic, (2) Leading with impact on people and relationships, (3) Leading with big picture and possibilities. Then tell me which version fits them best and why. Finally, predict the first objection they’ll raise and give me a one-sentence response.”
Find a practice partner. Someone who will give you honest feedback. Someone you can debrief with after important conversations.
These are not innate talents. They’re skills you can build. But you have to practice deliberately.
If You’re an L&D Leader Reading This
Everything I’ve described here can be operationalized as a program.
We’ve run this with ICs at Faire (five cohorts), Otsuka Pharmaceuticals, IMG Academy, and Weave. The architecture is proven. The exercises are battle-tested. The results are measurable.
I offer a free 30-minute call for L&D leaders serious about launching an IC program in the next 6-12 months.
